Where do I begin

Bed rest.

It's not fun, many of you have been on it and many of you have not. If you have you can feel my pain and relate. It sounds great right? Sit in bed all day, watch your favorite show while others do your work for you. But it's not, not even a little fun.

I believe that work is a good thing, and that while the occasional rest is important, we feel better about ourselves when we are actively engaged in things and the world around us. Sitting=laziness=boredom=depression. That's how I see it.

Why am I on bed rest you ask?

WELL, if you MUST know, we are expecting ANOTHER baby in June. (not really the way I wanted to put this out there, but already this kid is not about to live in Axel's shadow.)

Anyway, where do I begin. I am 6 weeks along. (not too far, and I told myself I would wait until we were at least 12 weeks to announce it to everyone because soo much could happen in these first fragile weeks.)

But I feel like I need all the prayers and positive thoughts I can get right now. Its been a rough kick-me-in-the-butt kind of week . By far, the hardest week I have EVER had with any of my pregnancies.

Well as many of you know, Axel got the flu last weekend, and it was killer. It was absolutely the worst flu he has had to date. It was a whole lot of everything coming from both ends. It was rough and extremely hard for everyone. Then once he was done, I got it. But luckily for me I wasn't as sick and it came and went quickly.

But shortly after that, I started spotting. It came out of nowhere really. One minute I was running around getting the things done that I had not been able to all week, and then the next I am back on the couch.

At first it was just light spotting, so I took it easy, but then I stood up to put Axel and Story down for a nap and I felt a huge gush, and then the most intense pain in my tailbone, like labor pain. (Sorry if this is too graphic, but trust me I could make it worse) Right then I knew I was having a miscarriage.

So I called my doctor and said no need to order any tests or anything, I am having a miscarriage, I have done this before. However the nurse on the phone convinced me that it would be better to check just in case. (I really hate needles and going to the lab, but I agreed. She was probably right)

So my mom drove me to the doctor for the HCG blood draw. It was hard but I had been down this road before and I knew I would survive it. (I don't know if I am alone on this, but for me it seems like once you have a miscarriage every time you get pregnant you have your guard up right from the beginning. It's hard to get attached, it's hard to feel like you are pregnant, and any planning you wait for proof, and even then its like well something could still go wrong, like with Axel it wasn't until he was in my arms that I felt like wow! this is real).

Anyway, after an encounter with probably the most unprofessional lab tech I have ever met (and we have come across quite a few), I got my blood drawn and proceeded to my mom's car. I wasn't sure when I was supposed to get my final blood draw (you have to get two to determine if you are having a miscarriage that way) so I had to stop and ask the front desk what I was supposed to do. (With my previous miscarriage I was able to just go to the Lab, but since they do it from their office now I had to find out when I was to come.)

So while I waited for the receptionist to get off the phone a nurse came up to me and asked me if I was being helped, so I explained what I was waiting for. So she said, "oh I can make up an order for you to go to the Lab on Saturday, since we are closed, just write your name on this paper, and your birth date,"

So I did and then she said,
"oh I spoke to you on the phone earlier," and then she asked the dreaded words that everyone hates when faced with hard stuff like this...

With her head tilted and her sympathetic brows, she asked "How are you doing?"

Almost immediately the tears started streaming down my cheek, and of course I was like, "No no I am fine, I really am." Then the receptionist chimed in, "Do you need to sit down?" "No no I am fine." All I wanted to do was leave.

And then she had to walk me to the door out of the office past all the pregnant ladies with their pregnant magazines, and their curious sympathetic eyes. It was pretty awful. And not what I expected.

And then we had to wait. And it wasn't just two hours, but the entire night, and into the next morning.

What I expected to happen:

To go home and have a miscarriage and pass it by the morning.

What actually happened:

The bleeding tapered off and the blood stopped. And the pain from the night before was gone.
Weird.

So I called my Dr and asked for the results of my test, and if I would be able to get an ultrasound, because the bleeding had stopped and I thought it was from something else. (I had a hunch)

I was in luck my numbers were good, and they scheduled me for an ultra sound at the hospital.

Well I will spare you those details (trust me you don't want to know) and skip to what you really want to know, and if you are still reading this you obviously want to know.

Well it turned out I hadn't had a miscarriage, the baby was still there in my uterus, beating heart and all, although it was tiny and looked more like a lima bean, it had a beating heart. It was such a relief. The ultra sound tech couldn't tell us much during (which was pretty frustrating for me)

But we did see next to my uterus a big black hole and she measured it and didn't tell us what it was so I knew it wasn't "Normal". I also remembered from Axel's that dark spots meant fluid, so I was pretty sure that was the reason I was bleeding. I asked her what it was, because that is why I was there, to have answers. She couldn't say of course, so I knew it wasn't an organ.

We then went home and waited to find out what was wrong. We found out I had/have a Subchorionic Hemorrhage (And to be honest I am not even sure if that was what it was called)

But it basically is that my placenta tore or something like that away from the uterus (hence the black stuff in the ultrasound) and she said it would probably heal on its own, but that I was to be on bed rest and "take it easy" until we have a follow up ultra sound in about a week, to see if it healed.

So that is where we are at. We are SOO relieved that our baby is still alive and is growing right where it needs to be. However we are not in the clear yet.

So now I am here on my blog in my bed waiting. I am so grateful for my mom for coming today and basically saving my sanity. She cleaned, cooked, did my laundry and took care of Axel, and I got some rest. She also came and took care of me all day Thursdays, I am pretty lucky to have such a great mom.

So you probably will be hearing a lot more from me in the coming days as I try to fill my time with things to do while I sit here.

So if you could, will you keep me in your thoughts and prayers this week, and if you want to stop by and visit that would be great too, I could use the company. OR if you want to just update your blog regularly to keep me happy and entertained that would be great too. Thanks all!