So I am still waiting for my ultrasound, the bleeding came back but I am told it is "old blood" if it was brown, so I have been just trying to do as little as possible, to let whatever is happening get the healing and rest that it needs. That has been hard, but it is tapering off again. Which is good.
On a positive note, I am still so sick with nausea. Way way way worse than when I was pregnant with Axel. So in a way I am grateful because I feel like things are moving along, and as much as I hate hate hate not being able to eat anything, I am glad for it. I have been praying every night that our babies heart will be strong and that all will be well in the ultrasound.
I have a lot of anxiety when I think about Monday. What if something is wrong? Our last ultrasound I felt so lucky, what if this time we are not? I know I will survive but it puts a lot of pressure on me. I know a lot of moms feel this way every time they go to the doctor to hear the heartbeat. I had told myself I wasn't going to be like that with this pregnancy, since I knew how out of my control it all was, but it really is hard to keep that perspective.
I also have been tempted to break out my maternity pants. I know already?But don't judge, my pants push right on my uterus, and I remember waiting way to long to switch to them with Axel, (remember I cried in the dressing room?) But when you are laying down all day anyway sitting in PJ's just adds to the lazy gross factor. But I need to be comfortable. It's funny how a shower and clean clothes can give your spirits such a lift.
Also, I am completely done breastfeeding. We felt like even tho my doctor said it was safe and ok, because I was trying to heal and get a lot rest it was making me quite exhausted. But luckily with a little persistence and effort we were able to get him to take a bottle. Which also has been nice because Kory is the one who is putting him to sleep now at night, something he hasn't allowed Kory to do. So they are getting much closer. Sometimes at night when I am camping out in our bedroom while Kory puts him to bed, I get sad, I miss those nights of reading him stories and snuggling with him. I knew that it would eventually end, and I know this will make it easier for us all when new baby comes, and hopefully in a little bit when I am more healed I can help put him to bed too.
I know this update is kinda boring, but it is what is going on in my head right now, sorry to bore any of you, if you read it I will be surprised. ha