Thursday, October 21, 2010

Here I am

So I am still waiting for my ultrasound, the bleeding came back but I am told it is "old blood" if it was brown, so I have been just trying to do as little as possible, to let whatever is happening get the healing and rest that it needs. That has been hard, but it is tapering off again. Which is good.

On a positive note, I am still so sick with nausea. Way way way worse than when I was pregnant with Axel. So in a way I am grateful because I feel like things are moving along, and as much as I hate hate hate not being able to eat anything, I am glad for it. I have been praying every night that our babies heart will be strong and that all will be well in the ultrasound.

I have a lot of anxiety when I think about Monday. What if something is wrong? Our last ultrasound I felt so lucky, what if this time we are not? I know I will survive but it puts a lot of pressure on me. I know a lot of moms feel this way every time they go to the doctor to hear the heartbeat. I had told myself I wasn't going to be like that with this pregnancy, since I knew how out of my control it all was, but it really is hard to keep that perspective.

I also have been tempted to break out my maternity pants. I know already?But don't judge, my pants push right on my uterus, and I remember waiting way to long to switch to them with Axel, (remember I cried in the dressing room?) But when you are laying down all day anyway sitting in PJ's just adds to the lazy gross factor. But I need to be comfortable. It's funny how a shower and clean clothes can give your spirits such a lift.

Also, I am completely done breastfeeding. We felt like even tho my doctor said it was safe and ok, because I was trying to heal and get a lot rest it was making me quite exhausted. But luckily with a little persistence and effort we were able to get him to take a bottle. Which also has been nice because Kory is the one who is putting him to sleep now at night, something he hasn't allowed Kory to do. So they are getting much closer. Sometimes at night when I am camping out in our bedroom while Kory puts him to bed, I get sad, I miss those nights of reading him stories and snuggling with him. I knew that it would eventually end, and I know this will make it easier for us all when new baby comes, and hopefully in a little bit when I am more healed I can help put him to bed too.

I know this update is kinda boring, but it is what is going on in my head right now, sorry to bore any of you, if you read it I will be surprised. ha

7 comments:

Jess~ca said...

So NOT BORED. I love the updates- Keep them coming! The days that I get up and shower and put on something other than pj's are always better-- so I agree, get those maternity pants OUT! They are awesome, and I miss them :) I'm still nursing Shane, but he doesn't need to, I just continue to do it out of habit- He has been taking a sippy of milk for a while now.

Emily said...

Amy, so glad to have an update. I am constantly thinking about you and wondering how things are going. As awful as the nausea is, symptoms mean you are pregnant...
We will continue to keep you in our prayers and pray for a good ultrasound on Monday!

rain said...

I'm sending you good vibes for your ultrasound on Monday. Those were always really stressful for me, as well, and I never had any scares before hand, so I don't think your worries are a overreaction. Add that in with normal pregnancy stress, and you have full right to be on serious edge. I think sometimes we have to be "shown" how to be empathetic to others, you know? I mean, it seems like the scariest, most awful times in my life have actually helped me be more charitable and understanding of things I had no patience for, before they happened. I know we all learn differently, but sometimes the things that you want most are the things you have to sacrifice for...even more than others usually do. I don't know. I've thought a lot about that lately, and that's just me reflecting. But I think you're doing all you can...and that's all you can do. Much love.

Rebecca & Taber said...

I agree with Jessica. I read the whole thing and I didn't get bored. I also think that you should wear the maternity pants. I think I started wearing them sooner than most people, so I understand the uncomfortable feeling that comes when things are just hitting you in the wrong place. Thanks for the up-date, you've been in my thoughts.

Diana and Jon said...

I hope everything is going ok. TAKE IT EASY!! no cleaning!

Kelli and/or Kyle said...

You should be excited Rain is sending you good vibes. She sent me good uterus opening vibes and I totally dialated super fast :) I'm sorry things are so stressful. I freaked out every time there was blood even if it was brown. But seriously you should ask your doctor for zofran for the nausea, after I started taking it I could eat again and it made a wold of difference. Amazing how food can do that for you.

Wendy said...

Good Luck tomorrow, you guys are in my prayers! And I hope you feel better. I've been sick the whole time, so I know how you feel :)