Boo Hoo Hoo

This book is one of my favorite books to read to Axel. (Ours isn't in Portuguese though, I kinda feel jipped) The book is all about a baby that cries and cries and the animals try to fix it by, feeding, playing, and bathing, but no matter what they try the baby still cries "BOO HOO HOO", until they figure out the baby just needs to be put to bed. Ah problem solved. It's full of animal sounds and Axel loves it.

We love reading this book to Axel, but also we love saying "BOO HOO HOO!" to him when he is throwing one of his toddler fits (which seem to be more frequent lately, and mostly over popsicles). Most of the time he will laugh at us and kinda snap out of it, or he will get even more angry and throw an even bigger tantrum. (Which I'll admit, I find pretty funny too, I know I am such a good mom.)

I often times think about my own fits and my own moments where I am acting like the "Boo Hoo Baby" and people around me want to say "BOO HOO HOO AMY, just suck it up". I feel like right now, I am going through one of those said moments

In hind sight when we had Axel 5 weeks early, I was pretty lucky, but I didn't really know or appreciate how lucky I was at the time. For me my pregnancy with Axel was wonderful, and if you asked me then I would have told that I LOVED BEING PREGNANT. I really did, yeah sure it had it's hard moments but for the most part that was my attitude. Obviously, I couldn't wait to get pregnant again.

Fast forward to this pregnancy,...

Now before I go onto my "Boo Hoo" rant, I first need to say, I do know how blessed I am to be able to even get pregnant, and I am grateful that I am having another baby, and that soon this baby will be mine all mine, and I will be full of so much love for said baby, and it will be wonderful, and I will look at all my grotesque stretchmarks and saggy boobies with pride because they will remind me of her and how much joy she brings me daily.

Now that being said, this pregnancy has been H. A. R. D. HARD. I don't know maybe I am being punished for not having enough sympathy for my pregnant friends that had hard pregnancies. But this pregnancy was hard for me, but there was some wonderful too. Each time I get to hear her heart beat, ah wonderful, or the day we found out she was still with us, and we saw her tiny lima bean body and little heart beat ...ah wonderful or when she moves my ENTIRE stomach late at night, and it scares her daddy, that is oh soo wonderful. I can not wait to meet her, I know it will be fantastic, but I am also quite scared too. Because I feel like we are now getting into unknown territory, that from this point on, it will just be harder, and harder, and I am having a hard time coping enough as it is.

But I am SOOOO done being pregnant! I get it, I get that people have to go 40 weeks and then some and then deal the whole recovery process to get their babies, and I got to skip all the miserable weeks with Axel, even my recovery was ok, I mean I had a couple moments but all in all, it was nothing a few motrin couldn't fix. So I should just consider myself lucky, and deal with it. Why should I be any luckier than the next person?

But, I just want to be done now, can I please please please have this baby already? Today, I feel like I can't even walk, I went to the grocery store because I don't want to be out of food when the baby comes (we had no food with Axel and had to go get bread on our way home from the hospital to make lunch, so see I had to do hard things too). I keep trying to prepare myself for her to come every single night and then I wake up and she hasn't and I am angry and frustrated. I have been in pain all day, and I feel like my tailbone is going to break. It hurts and I am ready to drive myself to the hospital to get her OUT. (Not that they would let me stay if I went, but I just want to be done.)

I hate not knowing what is going to happen or what to plan for, I am envious of my friends who had their first babies full term, because they know what to expect and how being in labor is going to feel and that they have the reassurance that they can do it, because they've done it before.

I feel like because Axel was early he was little, and easy to push out, I never really felt contractions long enough to know what they would feel like, and by then I was already at the hospital water broken on our way to deliver him anyway, I kinda could care less about contractions. But now, every time I get a Braxton hicks one I think is that the start, is this going to start labor?

I don't know what it will be like to be in REAL labor, or to push a good sized baby out. And then there is the whole attitude from the Anderson family of having large babies, and it scares me to death. I don't know if I can give birth to a large baby. I haven't done it before, I haven't done any breathing exercises or even done keagles at all for this pregnancy. (sorry if that is TMI). I hate the unknown. I am hoping she takes after my side of the family. My mom was only 5 lbs 5 oz, but her kids were all 7 - 8 lbs, but I am hoping she won't be even close to 8, that seems too big.

This is what keeps me up at night, and if you read this then you probably are thinking "Boo Hoo Hoo Amy"...